MEDITATION

I am beginning a class called Devotional Yoga  next Monday night.

One of the assignments is to meditate at least fifteen minutes a day and to observe

and record what what my moment to moment experience is, and then to ask myself

what is  the moment to moment question of life.

I meditate upon my Teacher Adi Da Samraj.  I loffer a candle, incense and  a

flower, or a piece of fruit.  I have an altar set up in my room which is set a little away for

privacy.  It is best to have a room especially for meditation, but I don’t at this time.

Today I feel so happy to stop and do this.  I have always loved meditation and when

I do it, I always wonder why I have resisted it.  I know when I start my day with meditation

it is as close to perfect as it gets.  When I don’t I also notice how my ego urges me to do

something else.

Today this image came to me. I am like this big round black pot with three feet.

The pot has a top.  Inside that pot is reality, perfection, all I long for. It has always

been there, waiting for me to lift off the top and let it be. I began to picture the

top as my ego, heavy and dense.  It sits there atop everything and doesn’t want me

to lift it off.  It wants to be in control   Because if I do lift it and realize then there is no longer a place for my ego. I am one with everything.

Actually I am already one with everything, but I imagine I am not.  Reality is no difference at all.

Ever since I was thirty I have been studying, looking for this. At fifty seven I found my Teacher and became

a devotee and figured that was it.  I didn’t need to do anything else.  How wrong I was.  It was as though a  whole banquet was

laid out in front of me,  and I was unable to partake.  Yes I could take bits and pieces, and then at times I would fall back away.

I knew Adi Da  God Realized, not an ordinary being.  I knew that He was there as the Example of what I wanted

to be myself.  He offered me everything and yet I was unable to receive all He offered.

It is only by His Grace that I will  be able to do this.  How can I recieve His Grace?

It is by opening in meditation thatI am able to feel Him and receive.  It is in meditation the top of that big old pot top gets lifted and Reality is exposed for me.

Funny how we humans want so much and when it is offered and possible to have it, we stand back.  I don’t really understand the ego, but

I do see how it doesn’t want to let me go.  It wants me dissatisfied and turning away from perfection/Reality.  I think that was

the first step for me.  I noticed what I was doing and let it go and turn to Adi Da Samraj.   It is not easy. Sometimes I get

so busy with “the world” and forget.  Meditation is the reminder that everything is as it should be, and I need do nothing except live

turning to Adi Da Samraj in every moment.

We Westerners tend to want to be on our own. Our own means in our ego.  After all my study I knew for sure I needed a Teacher who knew more about God than I did and He came not soon after I prayed for Him, not knowing who would show up.

That doesn’t mean I don’t live my life fully.  It means that I live it surrendered to Reality and do not react.  I do not do this perfectly. There is always more than I understand going on and by Grace someday  I will be able to live fully.  It means that when I am really in trouble, as I was a couple of years ago, almost dying, all I had to do was turn everything over and be the witness.  There was nothing to do but surrender.  It was a hard lesson but one that penetrated me totally.

I like that picture of the pot.  It is big and clear and I can picture how I do leave that top on and forget when all I have to do is lift it off and everything is there for me.  I have to pay attention to the lessons I am offered and keep my focus on what I really long for and want.  I am so easily distracted but deep inside I am not distracted, I feel I am deeply already there.

On the surface there is just that fear, which I am sure is the ego which keeps me from jumping off the cliff and flying as we are all meant to be.

Meditation keeps me going in the right direction that I long to be.