Why No Connection to Your Neighbors?

I am puzzled,mystified, muddled and baffled at what happens between neighbors. in California. Or is it everywhere?

I was talking to a man in

my art class this morning who told me this story.  He has lived in his house for over thirty years and has never

spoken to his neighbors across the street who lived there nearly as long as he has.  The strangest thing

happened to him last year. He met a woman in his art class and became friendly and they talked and

acted like normal people do.  He had no idea until a few months later that she was actually the woman who

lived in the house across the street.  She obvioulsy had no idea that he was her neighbor of so many  years. They still

have not ever met at home, nor recognized each other out loud.

This fascinates me and saddens me too.  Why do people want to live in such a lonely cut off way?

Where I live now in Hermosa Beach, the cute little cottages have all but disappeared and have been replaced by

three story condos that reach from cornor to corner of the lots.  I thought  building codes kept a little green

space on each side.  To boot they have the automatic garage opener so they can buzz themselves in, get out

of the car, and go upstairs without seeing or meeting another soul.  Never.   The beach towns used to be little

friendly communities. Granted most of the folks who used to live there can hardly afford the rent any longer.

But there still remain a few that remember the friendly atmosphere.  I think that is what still holds them here.

It may be the hope that one day the community will reappear.  I find it wierd.

At our apartment, where people have lived for even thirty years or more, unusually enough, we all talk and greet each other and

sort of watch out for one another. That is not to say that everyone “really” likes everyone. But we do acknowledge

that we live together and we are connected on some level.  Since my daughter moved in here, the group enjoys

the chairs on the sort of deck by the sidewalk and even the dogs come out and enjoy the fresh air. There is no grass

here but my daughter has planted plants along side the building and bought umbrellas for some of the newer chairs.

One woman said nobody talked to each other until she arrived.  I am glad because I am newly transplanted and I

I like to know my neighbors and want to visit with them and be there for them if they need anything.  I often cook too

much and can share with a neighbor.  If I am gone all day, someone walks my dogs.  Isn’t that how it is supposed to be.

Before I came here I lived in a small New England Village where our lives were intertwined.  Birth, death, sickness, holidays

brought out most everyone to get together to play or comfort or grieve.  Here, if you never get to know anyone you never have

to feel anything about them. You can go to a restaurant, a bar or where ever nad nobody will even know your name.

I guess I liked being a big fish in a little pond. I liked that people knew and trusted me and liked to see me coming and laughed

at my stories and comforted me when I needed to be comforted.  When we left the town they gave us a going away party and a key to

the town saying we were welcome back.  I felt so good when I visited this summer.

What is going on? Doesn’t most everyone have the need for other people in their lives?  This is just too strange.

I know it bothers my neighbor and we talk about it but how come people consent to live this way.?  In Brooklyn when I

visited my granddaughter the people in the hall and elevator were mostly friendly, wanted to know who we were and where

we were headed.   I like that.  My mother told me not to tell the neighbors any of her business. My father told me to never speak to

strangers, and I spoke to all of them.  I just can’t help it. I like to get to know people who live around me.  It feels good to be able to

greet them and stop for a conversation at times.  I have to confess though, that people with dogs are tend not to be solo.  We all talk and recognize each other even if we only talk through our dogs.  Seldom is there anyone who is unfriendly who is out walking their dog.  They are more social.

I guess that if one wants to get to know the “good guys” they have to have a dog.  Yep that is the answer.  But I feel sorry for the others.